


Family Pajamas

by gottriplets



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Fluff, Future Fic, M/M, Meet the Family, Romance, did i mention the fluff?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-25 13:52:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16662171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gottriplets/pseuds/gottriplets
Summary: How I think Christmas in the Brewer household will be this year.





	1. Chapter 1

“Do you realize you’re cutting the circulation off in my fingers? And I don’t think I’ve heard you breathe since the beginning of ‘All I want for Christmas is You ‘. You have nothing to worry about. They’re going to love you.” Patrick tries to be as reassuring as possible.

“But what if they don’t? What if they’ve all decided I am some sort of demon who has led you astray?” David’s voice is higher than normal.

“Listen, we’ve been over this. I talked to everyone at Thanksgiving and explained the whole situation. And they are genuinely happy for me! They never understood why I just kept taking Rachel back…”

“Could we not mention her today? Just thinking about her makes me cringe.”

“Ok, ok. But they know I love you, so they will love you.”

David can’t get enough of hearing Patrick say that. After the shock of hearing Patrick say it for the first time wore off, it has become a touchstone in David’s life. Constantly calming him and bringing him back down to Earth.

“So....a few things you should know. You will probably get pajamas for a gift tonight. We all do. And then we wear them tomorrow morning while we open gifts so we all match for pictures. If you don’t want to, let me know and I’ll take care of it.”

“Ummmm...ok. We’re not talking about those onesies with the flap on the butt, are we? I don’t think I’ll be able to tolerate those.”

“No,” Patrick says, laughing. “Just your normal flannel pajamas.”

“I don’t know that flannel can be considered normal, but ok.”

“We open gifts in order from youngest to oldest, so you’ll probably have to tell everyone your age. If you want to shave a few years off, I won’t tell.”

“One of the many reasons I love you. Anything else I should know?”

“My niece is dying to meet you. She has already made a list of fashion questions for you and keeps asking me if you know the Kardashians.”

“Oh, I love a good fashion quiz! And I knew the Kardashians before they were the Kardashians.”

“She’s 11, David. Just try not to traumatize her.”

“It’s never too early to start a fashion education, Patrick. And how do you think I would traumatize her? I actually wore a color for this!”

Patrick leans over to give David a kiss. “You know that I adore you, don’t you?”

“So I’ve been told,” David smirks, leaning over to give Patrick a kiss on the cheek.

The rest of the ride passes in comfortable silence, with Patrick rubbing his thumb over David’s hand every so often to calm him.

After what seems like an eternity, they arrive. Patrick pulls up in front of the two story blue house that’s fully decked out for Christmas. Lights, garland, reindeer...the whole package. David can’t help but smile to himself when he sees the giant wreath on the door.

“Are you ready for this?”’ Patrick asks, looking at David with the soft eyes he gets when he’s worried about David.

“I hope so,” David says, straightening out his sweater. He decided against his sweater with the orange flames (even though he considers it his lucky sweater) and went for a subtle forest green sweater instead. Festive, yet understated.

Patrick, of course, is wearing a button down, but instead of his usual blue he’s wearing a deep red plaid. They actually look like a couple, a fact that gives Patrick a little thrill.

They walk up the sidewalk (which is lined with light-up candy canes) and right before they get to the door Patrick puts David’s face in his hands and says, “You have nothing to worry about. I love you. They’ll love you,” and gives him a kiss he can feel all the way to his toes. Then he opens the door while David is still trying to process the kiss.


	2. Chapter 2

The first thing David notices when he looks inside is that there are people everywhere. He starts to feel a little claustrophobic, but Patrick grabs on to his hand and won’t let go.

He feels Patrick hugging someone with his other arm, a woman wearing a “World’s Greatest Grandma” sweatshirt and a necklace made of jingle bells around her neck. David knows instantly that this must be Patrick’s mother.

Patrick gives a little tug on David’s hand, “David, I’d like you to meet my mother, Maryann.”

David reaches his hand out to greet her, but finds himself being wrapped in a hug from the petite woman.

“David! We finally get to meet you! Patrick has told us so much about you. Please come in and join the rest of the family!”

Bless Patrick’s heart, he doesn’t let go of David’s other hand.

“Everyone,” Marynn announces, “this is Patrick’s David!”

David is a little embarrassed, but secretly pleased that he is being referred to as “Patrick’s David”. 

“Hello, everyone,” David says with a wave of his hand.

“I’m Phil, Patrick’s father. Glad to have you here,” he says extending his hand for David to shake.

“I’m very glad to meet you,” David replies. He’s a little nervous when Phil walks away immediately, but remembers that Patrick told him his father isn’t exactly the most social of beings. Something to do with him being a professor at the college or something. David was only half listening when Patrick told him that because Patrick was wearing that deep blue button down that does things to him.

“Now, the kids are all downstairs in the basement, but before you go down there let me get Claire out of the kitchen. Claire! Patrick’s David is here!”

Claire walks in the room, wiping her hands on her apron. David has heard so much about Patrick’s older sister, and suddenly feels nervous about meeting her.

“Hello, ‘Patrick’s David”, she says. “I’m Claire, but I’m sure you knew that unless Nugget here has been keeping me a secret.”

David looks over to Patrick and mouths “nugget”? This is definitely a nickname that needs an explanation.

Suddenly Patrick drops his hand and is knocked backwards.

“And that,” Claire says, “Is Tanner. The older two are in the basement.”

“Uncle Patrick, Uncle Patrick!!! Santa is coming tonight! Mommy let us make cookies to leave out and Jack ate too many and now he has a tummy ache.”

“Is that so,” Patrick says, scooping Tanner up in his arms. “Tanner, this is someone very special that I’d like you to meet. This is David.”

“Hi, David,” Tanner says shyly before burying his head in Patrick’s shoulder.

“Nice to meet you, David. I’m Tom. I’m Claire’s husband, and another ‘outlaw’ here”, he chuckles. David suddenly thinks of Ted and all his puns. Is it possible that there are two of them out there?

“Fly to Daddy,” Patrick singsongs, passing Tanner over to Tom. “Now where is that baby? I haven’t seen him since the night he was born.”

“I’ll give you two guesses and the first one doesn’t count,” Claire jokes.

“Ahhhhhh….so he’s with Grandma Pat!”

It’s then that David remembers that Patrick was named after Grandma Pat. That starts a whole new set of nerves firing.

“Grandma!” says Patrick. “How did I know you’d have the baby?”

“Because I always have the baby, Patrick. Now who is this? Is this the newest addition to our family?”

Patrick blushes and David extends his hand.

“Not an addition yet, but perhaps in the future…”

“Patrick, I think you’ve found a keeper. Now can you go get me some of that punch your mother says I can’t have? I’m 96 years old, I’ll be damned if I’m not gonna get a little tipsy at Christmas.”

David sits on the sofa beside Grandma Pat while Patrick goes to get her drink.

“Now, young man, with Patrick out of the way we can talk.”

David steels himself, not really knowing what to expect.

“I’m sure you know all about that Rachel business.”

David nods slowly.

“Well, let me tell you. I knew from the time he set eyes on her that she was not his type (if you know what I mean).”

David nods again, eyes growing wide. Is Patrick’s grandmother telling him that she knew Patrick was gay even back then?

“That girl was nothing but trouble from day one. She ordered him around something terrible and he just didn’t know what to do. I think he felt like that’s how it was supposed to be. Thank goodness he wised up and called that wedding off. I knew he’d figure it out eventually. And then he met you.”

David is afraid his mouth is gaping open in disbelief. Is he imagining this? Surely a 96 year old woman can’t be this supportive.

“When Maryann told me Patrick had told her all about this David that he was going into business with, I knew. And it was such a relief.”

Patrick arrives then, glass of punch in hand.

“Thank you, Patrick. Now here, David,” grandma says, “Take the baby so I can have a drink.”

Before David knows what hit him, he is holding Matthew, Patrick’s 6 month old nephew.

“Umm..here,” David says, holding the baby at arms length and turning to Patrick. “You should take him. I’ve never held a baby before.”

“You’ve never held a baby before? Are you serious? Then you need to hold this baby, now!,” Patrick says, placing Matthew back in David’s arms.

“No, really, I don’t know how these things work. I’ll put my arm through his soft spot or something.” David is beginning to panic.

“Oh, for goodness sakes, young man! It’s a baby, not a Fabrege Egg! You won’t break him. Just support his little bottom with your hand and cradle him up to your shoulder,” grandma Pat laughs, “You’re doing fine!”

David looks to Patrick, who has a soft, dreamy look in his eyes. For a split second, David can see what he’s looking at. David, Patrick and their own baby.

David shakes his head and comes back to reality.

“You never held Alexis when she was a baby?,” Patrick asks.

“I was 5 when she was born and was preparing for my theater school audition. I didn’t have time for holding babies. That’s what we had nannies for.”

“Nannies? As in more than one?”

“Of course. One for me, one for Alexis and one on retainer. Usually that one ended up managing my mother’s wigs…”

Patrick laughs and says, “Well, stop being a baby hog. I need to get my cuddle time in, too.”

“Then I shall gladly relinquish the child,” David says, handing Matthew to Patrick. “I suppose I can scratch ‘holding an infant’ off of my bucket list, but I’m not really sure it was there to begin with.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your kind comments! I hope you enjoyed chapter 2!


	3. Chapter 3

“Dinner is ready! Someone go get the kids from the basement!” Maryann bellows.  
Patrick stands up, a now sleeping Matthew on his shoulder. 

“Shall we?” Patrick says, extending his hand.

“We shall, Nugget!’” David says, unable to resist trying out the nickname. “You realize that you’re going to have to explain the nickname to me, don’t you?”

“Of course I do,” Patrick chuckles, “but can it wait until we’re alone? It’s kind of embarrassing.”

“As long as you promise me alone time, it can definitely wait.”

They make their way to the table, depositing Matthew in his Pack-and-Play on the way. David has never seen a family dinner like this. There is an actual adult table and a kids’ table - something David thought existed only in sitcoms. The dishes are mostly matching, but there are a few odd ones here and there. Food is on the table in big bowls and platters, and there is an actual basket that contains bread. 

“Now that we’re all here,” Maryanne says, “I just want to say how lovely it is to have all of my family here and that we have a new member to share Christmas with. David, welcome to the family.” Everyone raises their glasses and David turns red. He whispers to Patrick, “You didn’t tell them we got married, did you?”

Patrick whispers back, “I told you my mom was a little over the top. Just go with it.”

David doesn’t notice Claire winking at Patrick.

Once dinner was over, David found himself deep in conversation with Patrick’s niece.  
“No. Kim Kardashian’s lips weren’t always like that, and when she was 14, she had braces!,” David says.

“You’re kidding me!,” Alicia shouts. “Wait until I tell everyone at school!”

“Give me your cell phone number and I’ll send you a picture I have of her at Kendall’s birthday party - braces and all.”

Patrick looks over at the two of them and can’t help but giggle. They had been talking like that for at least a half hour, Alicia naming celebrities and David having something to say about each of them.

“Game time, everyone!,” Claire shouts into the family room.

“I forgot to tell you,” Patrick whispers to David, “It’s a tradition that we play Pictionary after dinner.”

“Are you sure I should play? You know how I get when there is competition.”

“As long as you’re on my team, I don’t care. Get as cutthroat as you want. I’ve been trying to beat Claire and Tom for years.”

Patrick and David prove to be an unbeatable team, amazing everyone with Patrick’s guess of ‘body milk’ with only a picture of a bottle to go on.

“This is so not fair,” Claire huffs. “They’re reading each other’s minds or something!”

“Ahhhh...a sore loser,” Patrick gloats. “How many years did you and Tom win? Let us not forget the General Tso Chicken ‘guess’.”

“He only got that right because we had had it the night before for dinner. Come to think of it, you and Rachel never got any right, did you?”

David cringes a little at the mention of Rachel, but smiles to himself knowing that he and Patrick are meant to be together.


	4. Chapter 4

The little ones (and Grandma Pat) are all getting sleepy by the time they start opening presents. As Patrick promised, they all get flannel pajamas. David is pleased that they are in a shade of blue that will make Patrick’s eyes look amazing.

Patrick gets up from the couch and whispers something to Grandma Pat. Grandma Pat smiles and nods at him. David doesn’t notice Alicia starting to film on her phone (probably because she’s been on her phone most of the night).

“Now, you all know that the tradition in this family is one present tonight, and the rest tomorrow morning. However, I have gotten special permission from Grandma Pat to give someone a second present.”

Patrick leans down and picks a small package up from under the tree.

“Last Christmas was very hard for me. I was getting ready to move away from all of you. My family. Little did I know that I was moving toward something even better. There were lots of times that I just wanted to give up and come home to all of you. And then I met David. And I knew I had found someone that could be my new family.”

Suddenly Patrick is on one knee in front of David.

“David Rose, will you marry me?”

There is complete silence for a minute and Patrick starts to panic. Then David says one of the most beautiful words Patrick thinks he’s ever heard.

“Yes.”

Grandma Pat is the first to start clapping. Soon David and Patrick are surrounded by everyone, hugs and pats on the back everywhere. Phil walks in with a bottle of champagne.

“A little birdie told me this might happen tonight.,” he says with a genuine smile.

Patrick hands David a glass and they settle down on the sofa. Patrick leans over and whispers, 

“Aren’t you glad I didn’t wait until tomorrow morning? There would be video of you in flannel pajamas!”

“Yes, Patrick. I am eternally grateful for your foresight. Now, what do you mean by video?”

Patrick points over to Alicia, who is still filming them. He leans over and kisses David and then says to Alicia,

“You can quit filming now and go text your friends. I know you’ve been dying to tell them all.”

“Ummmm….but don’t send any pictures!”, David adds. Patrick glares at him.

“Whaaaaat? I haven’t seen them yet!”

“And this is why I love you.,” Patrick says, stealing another kiss.

Once the excitement has died down, Maryann declares it time for bed. Everyone gives hugs and kisses goodnight (although David cringed a bit at kissing the slobbery baby) and heads off to their rooms. Patrick and David stay on the sofa for a bit longer, finally getting to be alone.

Taking a final sip of champagne Patrick asks, “Did you really say ‘yes’? I didn’t imagine it? Are you mad that I did it in front of everyone?”

David kisses him, mostly so he’ll stop panicking. “Yes, I said “yes”. Did you honestly think I would say no?”

Patrick takes a deep breath and begins, “Well, to be honest, I wasn’t sure. I know we had talked about getting married, but it was always in an abstract sort of way. I just couldn’t get it out of my head, though. I really want to be your husband, David.” His eyes start to mist over.

“Hey, I really want to be your husband, too, Patrick. Don’t be upset.”

Clearing his throat Patrick says, “Do you want to call your parents? I did ask your father for permission, but I’m not one hundred percent sure he understood what I was asking. And please forgive me for not telling your mother about this ahead of time but….”

“I know, she would make you wait until she had a custom ‘engagement wig’ created. I think I’ll wait to tell them in person. Does Stevie know?” 

A part of David secretly hopes that Patrick talked to Stevie before all this. After all, she is his very best friend (aside from Patrick). 

“I did. And you’ll be happy to know that she gives her full approval. I am supposed to tell you that she refuses to wear anything remotely resembling a bridesmaid’s dress for the wedding.”

David laughs, “There’s a part of me that really wants to get her the most cupcakey bridesmaids dress in existence now. I wonder if I could get something made out of flannel for her…”

“Speaking of flannel, are you ready for bed? Santa’s coming tomorrow and I know you’ll want to be up early!”

“Ugh. The things I do for you, Patrick! Wearing flannel and getting up early? Remind me why I said I’d marry you?”


	5. Chapter 5

David and Patrick link hands and walk up the staircase to Patrick’s childhood room. It’s exactly as David had pictured it, with trophies from Little League and framed Spelling Bee certificates on the wall. It’s almost the complete opposite of the sleek, fashionable bedroom David spent his childhood in.

“Look at all the secrets I’m learning about you! I can’t believe I’m about to sleep with the regional spelling bee champion of 1999 through 2003.”

“Laugh all you want, David. There was some brutal competition. Stephanie Aster’s mother even slept with one of the judges just to get the word list.”

“Well, I apologize for making light of it,” David says, pecking Patrick on the lips. “Now, I’m exhausted. Let’s don this ‘gay apparel’ - although I don’t think any self-respecting gay man would label flannel as ‘gay apparel’ - and get some sleep.”

“Good night, fiance,” Patrick says with a smile that reaches his eyes. He can’t help but remembering the last time he had a fiance and how just thinking about her made him break out in hives. This is so different. Just a calm, soft, peaceful feeling that all is right in world.

“Good night, Patrick.”

David is woken by something jumping on the bed. He quickly realizes it’s not something, but someone. Tanner is jumping on the bed and once he sees that David’s eyes are open he starts to shout,

“Uncle David!! Uncle Patrick!! Santa came! Santa came!!”

Patrick rolls over and sees the commotion. He also notices that David is a little misty-eyed.

Claire comes into the room to retrieve Tanner. “I am so sorry. He was just so excited and when mom said we couldn’t open gifts until you two were up….”

“No worries,” Patrick says. Turning to David he asks, “Are you ok? You looked upset. Was it because of Tanner? He’s little and he was excited and I should have locked the door but….”

“He called me Uncle David. Oh my God, Patrick. I am going to be someone’s uncle. I don’t know if I’m ready for that kind of responsibility. You’re an uncle...what do they do? Is there some sort of handbook for this?” David’s voice becomes a bit frantic.

Patrick laughs. “There is no handbook, David. And there’s virtually no responsibility other than purchasing gifts and maybe babysitting once in a while.”

“Oh, thank God. I was worried it was one of those ‘if the parent’s die, you get custody of the kids’ things.”

“Well, it’s not, but I can tell you that I’m on the list of people who would get custody of Claire and Tom’s kids.”

“They can never travel together. Ever. We can’t have four children! Where would we put them?”

“Don’t go adding rooms on to the apartment yet, David. Tom has 3 sisters and 2 brothers and then there are my parents - all in line before me. Now let’s go watch the kids open presents!”

David has never seen anything like the gift opening frenzy that is taking place at the Brewer house. There is wrapping paper flying everywhere and the shrieks from the kids are non-stop.

This year Patrick had David to help him select gifts. Grandma Pat loved the Rose Apothecary Body Milk, Maryann and Claire loved the bath salts and goat’s milk soaps, but the most loved gift went to Alicia. David had called in a few favors and was able to get a full collection of Kylie Jenner cosmetics. 

Taking Claire aside he said, “Now I know she’s only 12 and is a little young for this, but I promise I’ll show her how to apply it tastefully and not look like something that should be dancing on a pole. We’ll have to schedule a time when we can do a makeover for her.”

David turns to leave, but Claire grabs him by the elbow. “Thank you for being there for Patrick. He was really lost after the whole Rachel ordeal, but he’s so much happier now. He’s my Nugget and I worry about him, you know?”

“I know. Now about this nickname…..Patrick wouldn’t tell me how it came about. Could I convince you to share?”

“It’s really silly,” Claire laughs. “I was 7 when Patrick was born. At that time in my life, my favorite food was McDonald’s chicken nuggets. The day my mom had Patrick, Grandma Pat picked me up after school and told me we were going to get a surprise. In my 7 year old head, that meant chicken nuggets. When we got to the hospital and they brought Patrick out to meet me, I burst into tears and whined that he wasn’t a nugget. I guess they convinced me that he was a different kind of nugget, and that became his nickname.”

“That is the sweetest thing I think I have ever heard. I don’t really remember when my sister was born. I was preparing for my elementary theater school audition. I vaguely remember a new nanny arriving at the house, but I don’t really remember Alexis as a baby. It’s probably for the best.”

David returns to the family room where the remnants of the unwrapping frenzy are being cleaned up. Patrick is holding the trash bag while Tanner throws the garbage in yelling “Slam dunk!”. David isn’t quite sure what that means, but he thinks it has something to do with some sort of sport.

“You’re back. My sister didn’t scare you off?”

“No, she most certainly did not, Nugget.”

“She told you, didn’t she? My whole life I have had to deal with the fact that I didn’t measure up to a chicken McNugget.”

“I’ve never had one of those, but I’m sure you’re at least as good as one.”

“Thanks for that vote of confidence, David.”

Grandma Pat, Claire and Maryann have all retreated to the kitchen, where they are preparing brunch. David has never seen so many people that can actually cook in one room. He’s mesmerized.

Patrick pulls David down to the couch. “Are you sure you’re up for meeting the cousins? It’ll mean more people in this space and I know it’s already feeling crowded for you. We could go see your parents early...aren’t they using the cafe all day?”

“I think they are. I’m not really sure. After Alexis told them she would be going to Cancun with Ted for the holiday my mom took to her bed and I don’t know if an actual decision was reached. Also, my parents are going to probably go way overboard when we tell them we’re engaged. You know how my mother can get. She’ll have the entire wedding planned in an hour - you and I will end up wearing wigs! Being a little crowded here sounds like a much less terrifying alternative.”

With that, the doorbell rings. “Here we go”, says Patrick.

Phil opens the door and there’s a traffic jam of people taking of coats, hats and gloves. They all make their way into the family room where Phil introduces everyone to “Patrick’s finance, David” which has both Patrick and David delighted but blushing.

“I’m never going to remember all these names, Patrick. You should have given me some sort of guide or flow chart or something!”

Patrick takes David’s hand, “Don’t worry about it. No one expects you to remember names. Just sit down and enjoy yourself, they’re going to love you. I’m going to go get you a mimosa, because I know you’ll get cranky if your blood sugar drops.”

“Also, it’s the proper beverage for brunch, Patrick. I can hardly say I’m having brunch without a mimosa. Or at the very least a bellini.”

Patrick laughs and heads to the kitchen. Patrick’s cousin sits down beside David.

“Hi. I’m Stephanie, Patrick’s cousin. I’m sure you don’t remember any of our names. If Patrick’s not around I can be your human family name decoder ring.”

“Well, thank you. Patrick didn’t give me any sort of reference material for this.”

“No worries. My brother Todd and I are the closest in age to Patrick. Then there’s our little brother Ryan,” she nods in the direction of a boy glued to his phone on the couch, “or as I like to call him, mom’s midlife crisis.”

David laughs as he can see Ryan is a good 15 years younger than his siblings. “How old is he?”

“He’s almost 16. Todd and I would like to thank you and Patrick.”

Patrick comes in at that moment, handing David a mimosa. “For what?”

“First of all, thank you for taking the pressure off me by getting married. I’m only 31, I don’t know why everyone thinks I’m going to expire or something if I don’t get married.”

“And second?” Patrick asks.

“For what you’re doing for that one over there,” she nods over to Ryan again.

“I don’t think I understand.”

“I think I do,” David says, “Patrick, look at his shoes.”

“They look like shoes to me, David. What does that have to do with us?”

“Those are Ferragamos. FerraGAmos, Patrick. I believe that Ryan is beginning to realize he likes red wine more than white wine.”

“Don’t say anything,” Stephanie interjects, “he hasn’t ‘come out’ to anyone that I know of yet. I’m just glad that he’ll have you two as role models to help him if he needs it.”

“Based on the smile he’s giving those text messages, I’d say he’s out to someone. I believe I recognize that smile, Patrick.”

“What? You were adorable when you came in for your business license. All excited and full of ideas. I couldn’t help but be smitten.” Patrick kisses David on the cheek.

“‘Smitten’? Who says ‘smitten’ anymore, really,” David laughs, “what about ‘instantly enraptured’ or ‘swiftly besotted’?”

“Well, I wasn’t completely smitten until you left me the phone messages.”

“I believe we agreed that we would never speak of that again. Never!”

Maryann announces that brunch is ready and everyone makes their way to the kitchen.


	6. Chapter 6

So…..are you ready for this?” Patrick asks David.

David has tried to stall Patrick for as long as possible. He’s had an in depth discussion with Ryan about shoes, another long chat with Alicia about celebrities and he even held the baby for awhile.

“I suppose we should go face the lunacy that is a Rose family Christmas. Just rip that wax strip right off.”

“Don’t you mean Band-Aid?”

“Please, Patrick. You have your analogies, I have mine. Haven’t you ever watched “Extreme Makeover”? An eyebrow wax looks MUCH more painful than just a Band-Aid!”

“Especially with your eyebrows, David.”

David begins to pout.

“Awwwww - you know I love your eyebrows. I love everything about you, David.”

They get into the car and start the ride to see the Roses. David is surprisingly quiet and even lets Patrick choose the radio station.

“What’s going through that mind of yours, David?”

“I’m just wondering what my mother’s reaction to all this is going to be.”

“Well, you don’t have to wait much longer,” Patrick says, pulling the car into a parking spot in front of the cafe.

David grabs Patrick’s hand and tugs him back toward the car for a moment.

“Are we ready for this, Patrick?”

“I don’t know that anyone can be ready for the unpredictable Moira Rose, but we can always claim there’s inventory to be done at the store and escape if necessary.”

Patrick opens the cafe door and ushers David in.

“Look everyone! It’s my eldest child and his paramour finally gracing us with their companionship for this most joyful of fetes.” Moira glides over to them.

“Is that a wig made out of tinsel?” Patrick whispers to David

“She had it custom made by the same person that makes Beyonce’s wigs. Each strand was hand threaded into the cap,” David whispers back.

“Hello, son. Hello, Pat.” Johnny shakes both of their hands.

David and Moira whisper “We’re not doing Pat” to him at the same time. Patrick just laughs.

“We’re so glad you could come to our little shindig. It’s not much, but there’s a cheese ball! Everybody loves a cheeseball.”

“Yes, darling. Everyone does enjoy a bovine based canape.” Moira gestures to the platter of cheeseball and crackers.

“Do you want to tell them, or should I?”’ Patrick whispers. The anticipation of sharing such great news is making him fidgety.

“Could we not tell them?”, David whispers back, “or not tell them until we’re married?”

“David and I have some news,” Patrick announces. Beside him David pales a bit.

“Oh dear,” Moira says, “are the two of you going to establish another corporate endeavor? I can barely keep up with the existing venture.”

“Well, not exactly.” Patrick takes David’s hand. “We’re getting married!” he says and raises David’s hand to show the new black tungsten band.

Moira collapses into a chair and bellows, “My bebe is going to be nuptualized! I don’t know if I have the fortitude to concoct a presentable matrimonial gala!”

“Now Moira, settle down.” Johnny awkwardly approaches the couple, shaking hands with Patrick. “So THAT’S what you meant when you were asking me for David’s hand. I thought you were asking for his gloves.”

“I had the feeling you didn’t quite understand me, Mr. Rose.”

“It’s Johnny now. Or dad. After all, we’re family now.” David visibly cringes.

“David, come show your mother what symbol of impending commitment your new betrothed has bestowed upon you.” David extends his left hand to show his mother. “That is a glimmering halo of love, don’t you think, Johnny?”

“Which one are we talking about? He wears so many rings all the time I can’t tell which one is new,” Johnny adds. “Whaaaaaat? It’s true. Just look at his hands. Many, many rings.”

“Well, this is all very lovely, but aren’t there more guests coming?” David asks, looking for anything to distract them.

“Your sister and Ted abandoned us for Cancun, but I know that Twyla is coming by later to heat up the food. Roland and Jocelyn will be here soon with the baby,” Johnny reports.

“Yes. And while we await their arrival, perhaps we can discuss the ceremony. I’m seeing a winter wedding….with muffs and your suits can be made of fur. No, perhaps a summertime function...perhaps something underwater. Definitely a maritime theme…” Moira trails off, lost in thought.

David looks over to Patrick, “I told you so. Sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry for. We knew it was coming.”


	7. Chapter 7

David spends the next month trying to avoid his mother as much as possible. She manages to catch him at the cafe at lunch time and each time she has a new idea for the wedding.

“I don’t want a crazy wedding! Neither does Patrick! We just want something small and elegant.”

“How can you deprive me of the opportunity to showcase my ability to take a marital affair from conception to fruition? The career opportunities I had to forfeit just so I could be a mother to you and your sister! Isn’t that worth letting me guide you in preparing a splendid commemoration of your matrimonial vows?”

“A. I’m pretty sure you didn’t forfeit any career opportunities. Remember the year the nanny ended up on our Christmas card because you were on location? Everyone thought she was our new mommy. And B., who is going to pay for this? We have no money, remember?”

“As if I need you to point out our current destitution! You said your little emporium was very fruitful.”

“Um, that means that we make enough so that Patrick doesn’t have to rent a room from Ray and I don’t have to live with you in the hotel,” David says. “That is about as far as it goes right now. I am going back to work now so that I can remain living away from your hotel home.”

The bell rings as David returns to the store. 

“Was she at it again?” Patrick asked.

“Of course she was. We may have to shut the store down and flee the area.”

“I don’t think that will be necessary,” Patrick chuckles. “Did you bring me my sandwich?”

“Oh fuuuuuuuuck! I totally forgot while trying to escape. Please don’t make me go back there - I’m getting hives just thinking about it.”

“No need to go back. I’ll call Twyla and run over to grab something. I’ll protect you from her evil clutches!”

“Thank you. I don’t think I can take much more of this lunacy!” David says, his voice becoming shrill.

Patrick returns from the Cafe with his lunch and a caramel macchiato for David, made to his strict specifications. Learning David’s coffee order took time, but it was worth it when he saw David smile each time he brought it to him.

“I think I have a way to get your mother to stop all her planning. How about we have another Open Mic night?”

“Haven’t we done that enough? I don’t know if I can take more of Bob’s beat poetry.”

“An Open Mic night on Valentine’s Day. We’ve been saying that we need to get our parents to meet, and I’d love to show my family the store.”

“I still don’t understand how this is going to stop my mother from harassing me about wedding plans.”

“Well, if we have all of our friends and family there...why not get married then? Your mother can’t plan for something that’s already happened.”

“I’m pretty sure she can, but are you serious? Married on Valentine’s Day? That’s only like two weeks away...I have nothing to wear!”

“Anything you wear will be perfect. And I am serious. We’ll have all our friends together and our families will be there. Why not get married in the place that brought us together? We never would have met if you didn’t come in to get the business license.”

“Yes, imagine what would have happened had Ray not handed me ticket B13. I’m beginning to like this plan, Mr. Brewster.”

“I talked to Ray and he is also an ordained minister and can perform legal marriage ceremonies. As long as we get the license, we’ll be good to go.”

“Wait,” David says, “What about a reception? We can’t have the wedding and the reception here, Patrick. That just isn’t done.”

“Ohhhhh...it just isn’t done,” Patrick says in a mocking tone. “What about the cafe? After all, it was good enough for our first date.”

David puts his arms around Patrick and kisses him on the forehead. “It wasn’t just good enough, it was perfect. Let’s do this. Let’s get married.”

“That was the plan, David. Now I’ll go get the permit for the Open Mic night and talk to Twyla about using the cafe. Maybe I can convince her to make some of those famous mozzarella sticks,” Patrick laughs.

“And I can get Colleen to ship some branzino. Oooohhhh, we can have a soft cheese station!”


	8. Chapter 8

The next few weeks are filled with preparations for the Open Mic night/surprise wedding. Patrick is pretty sure his parents are a little confused about why he’s asking them to come on a Wednesday night, but he is able to convince them that he really wants to show them the store during the event. His sister wasn’t as easily convinced, and he had to let her in on the secret. 

“Oh my God! That is perfect! Mom and Dad are going to be so happy. Can I bring the kids?” Patrick can hear Claire almost bouncing with excitement.

“Of course! David would kill me if I didn’t let Alicia be a ‘groomsmaid’! Then it’s all set?”

“Absolutely. My lips are zipped and I can’t wait!”

Patrick reports to David that he has gotten his family convinced to come. The Roses, however, are a bit more reluctant.

“Didn’t you already have one of those?” Moira asks. “Why hold a repeat performance? Leave the audience wanting more, I say!”

“Patrick thinks it brings more ‘awareness to the community’ or something. I really wasn’t listening. But there will be wine...free wine…”

“In that case, I demand an encore performance! Give the people what they want, I say!”

David rolls his eyes and looks to his father.

“Oh, I’ll be there,” Johnny says, “Someone will have to make sure your mother gets home safely.”

For some unknown reason, David is finding it hard to tell Stevie about the plans. He can tell she thinks something is up, but he is reluctant to tell her. He knows they are going to need her help to get Alexis and Ted to the Open Mic night, so he invites her to lunch.

Sliding into the booth Stevie says, “You know, I was shocked to receive your lunch invitation. What’s the deal?”

“Can’t a man invite his best friend to lunch? Does there need to be a reason?”

“Yes. Yes there does, David. Now what’s behind this sudden need to have a meal with me?”

David looks around the cafe to make sure no one is listening. He still whispers to Stevie, “Patrick and I are getting married at the Open Mic night.”

“Holy shit! The one on Valentine’s Day? As in next week? What’s the rush? Did you knock him up, David? Are you knocked up?”

“No one is knocked up, thank you very much. My mom is making us crazy with all her plans and we decided to stop the madness.”

“She is going to be so pissed. Wedding plans are all she’s talked about since Christmas. Well, wedding plans and how she was robbed of the lead in “The Crows Have Eyes”.”

“I know. Hopefully we’ll be able to go to Elmdale for a few days after the wedding and her medications will take effect. Now I need to ask you something,” David says, avoiding Stevie’s eyes. “You know this is hard for me...but can you….I mean will you…”

“Will I what, David?”

“Will you”, David clears his throat and takes a deep breath. “Willyoubemygroomsmaid?” he blurts out.

“A groomsmaid? What the fuck is a groomsmaid? Do I have to wear some hideous dress with a bow on the butt? Because if I do, the answer is no way in hell.”

“I’m not a savage, Stevie. No bows on the butt. I just want my best friend to stand beside me while I marry the love of my life,” David says, choking up a little.

“Wow. Do we have to go with ‘groomsmaid, though? I would much prefer ‘best bitch’ or ‘best chick’. Ooooohhhh….what about ‘best wench’?”

“That just sounds like a beauty contest winner at a Renaissance Faire. I guess we really don’t have to call you anything.”

“In that case, I am the best wench for the job.”


	9. Chapter 9

The morning of the wedding starts like any other. As usual, Patrick is up long before David and he heads to the store to make last minute preparations. Once David gets up he packs up their clothes for the evening (“I am NOT marrying you while you are wearing a blue button down shirt and mountaineering shoes, Patrick”) and heads to the store as well. When he arrives, Patrick hands him his macchiato and says, “Are you ready for this?”

“No. I mean ‘yes’. Can I say ‘kind of’?”

“There’s nothing to worry about. I have Bob and Roland coming in around 4 to start setting up the stage and the chairs. Twyla put up a notice that the cafe is closed because of a gas leak and is finishing the decorations and food. Both families are coming. The only wild card is Stevie getting Alexis and Ted here. What’s the plan for that again?”

“Stevie is going to lure Alexis here with the promise of letting Alexis make her over. Ted will come because Ted goes wherever Alexis goes. He’s like one of those fish that attach themselves to another fish and just let it drag it around.”

“Oooooo-k. I told Ray to be here a little early. That way we can go over the ceremony with him real quick.”

The day passes slowly, but finally Roland and Bob show up with the stage and chairs. David puts a sign on the door that says they’re closed to set up for tonight and retreats to the back room, where Patrick is waiting for him on the couch.

“Hey,” Patrick says, patting the couch beside him. “Are Roland and Bob doing ok?”

“It appears so.” David flops down onto the couch. “Are we really going to do this tonight?”

“If you’re not ready, just tell me and we can call it all off. Only a few people would even know. I don’t want you to think you have to do this just because I had the idea.”

“I’m ready to get married. I don’t know about having the actual wedding ceremony, though. For someone who went to elementary theater school I am surprisingly nervous.”

“Well, we can just pretend it’s ‘the number’, David.”

“Very funny, Patrick. I don’t even know where my hair straightener is! You know I can’t do ‘the number’ without my performance hair.”

Guests start to stream in to the store. Claire is one of the first to arrive, and Patrick gives her the wedding rings so Jack and Tanner can be the ring bearers. Stevie and Claire instantly bond, sharing embarrassing stories about David and Patrick. Stevie looks at her watch and says, “Wish me luck. It’s 6:30 and I have to convince David’s sister to come down here. I was planning on telling her that she could give me a makeover, but now I think I’ll tell her that you’re here, Claire. She wouldn’t give up an opportunity to share stories about her older brother!”

Claire laughs. “Good luck. Is there anything I should be doing while you’re gone? I don’t want to step on your ‘best wench’ feet, but…”

“Oh my God. Patrick told you that?”

“Well, we were discussing Alicia’s role in the ceremony. He felt it wouldn’t be an appropriate title for her.”

“Well, then...I’ll have to thank him for sharing. You could make sure no one sits in the front row. I promised David it would be family and attendants only.”

“Can do.”

Stevie leaves the store and Claire stations Alicia at the front row with strict orders to tell anyone who tries to sit there that the seats are reserved.

David peeks out from behind the curtain of the back room while Patrick is putting the finishing touches on his bow tie. “Claire is here. Ryan and Stephanie. Alicia looks adorable in the dress I picked out. I told you she would look fine in grey...and it matches our aesthetic perfectly. Here we go...my mom and dad are here.”

“Why don’t you go out and say ‘hello’? I can finish up in here and then I’ll be out by the time my parents arrive.” Patrick gives David a kiss on the cheek. “Go on. It’ll be fine.”

David takes a deep breath, steels himself, and goes out to the sales floor.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter...I am thinking of continuing with a series of one-shots centered around their anniversaries. Thoughts? Contact info is in my profile if you are so inclined.

“Hi mom, hi dad. I’m glad you could be here.”

“David, you seem a bit discombobulated. Surely you can’t be apprehensive about meeting Patrick’s family.”

“No, mom,” David snaps, “I’ve already met them. You, on the other hand, have not.”

“David, don’t be so fretful! After all, I am ‘Television’s Moira Rose’. Did I ever tell you about the time that I met the Crown Prince of Monrovia at a putt-putt golf tournament?”

“No. You did not. Oh good,” David says sarcastically. “Alexis is here. I should go greet her.”

“Johnny, I don’t know why the children don’t want to hear my stories. They need to know the real person that is behind ‘Television’s Moira Rose’!”

“Now dear, don’t be upset. I’m sure David is just concerned about this jamboree he’s having tonight. You know how he gets - remember elementary theater school?”

“Indeed I do. We had to buy the school all new carpeting in the auditorium. Who knew an 8 year old’s stomach could hold so much?”

Patrick steps out from behind the curtain. “Hello, Mr. Rose, Mrs. Rose,” he says, shaking Johnny’s hand and giving Moira two kisses on her cheeks. “I’m so glad you could make it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, my parents are here.”

Maryann and Phil walk into the store.

“Mom, dad! I’m so glad you’re here!” Patrick greets them both with big hugs, holding on to each of them a little longer than usual. His emotions are starting to well up.

“Maryann! Phil! So nice of you to come!” David says, awkwardly hugging both of them when they open their arms. He grabs Patrick’s hand. “I’d like you to meet my parents, Johnny and Moira Rose.”

Johnny and Phil shake hands.

“Phil, David has told me so much about you. What is it like knowing the future?”

“I’m not quite sure what you mean,” Phil says with a puzzled look on his face.

“Dad. He works in physics. Not psychics! Oh my God!”

“Maryann is it? What a quaint name. Reminds me of my early days on the stage. I spent two consecutive summers with the Elmdale Junior High Drama Guild starring in Anna Karenina.”

Their conversation is cut short when Patrick approaches the mic.

“David and I just want to thank everyone for coming out tonight for our very first Valentine’s edition of Open Mic night. David, come on up. We have something very special planned for tonight.”

David steps up on the stage and takes Patrick’s hand.

“Let’s start the night out with something special from Ray.”

Patrick motions for Ray to come up to the mic, and he and David head toward the back of the crowd.

Ray begins, “There are two special people here that asked you all to be here today to celebrate their marriage. If you haven’t guessed by now, it’s David and Patrick.”

There is an audible gasp as David and Patrick walk through the aisle and back to the stage.

“If my mother begins to sing, you have my permission to use lethal force,” David whispers to Stevie.

Patrick can see that his mother is beginning to tear up. He squeezes her hand as he walks past her.

The ceremony seems to be over in a flash. Before David and Patrick know it, Ray is introducing them as ‘Mr. and Mr. Rose Brewer’ and they are headed to the cafe.

Moira ambushes the boys as soon as they enter.

“You two have managed to create a more dramatic nuptial celebration than even I, ‘Television’s Moira Rose’, could have conceived of. The students have become the masters and I applaud the realization of your secretive stratagem.” Moira kisses both boys on the cheek and nudges Johnny.

“Ummmm, yes. Nice going. A wonderful surprise.” Johnny awkwardly hugs both boys. “Is that a soft cheese station? Hot dog!”

“Well, Patrick. I am so proud of you. And welcome to the family, David.” Phil embraces his son with tears in his eyes. David can’t help but get choked up. Phil turns to David and gives him a quick hug as well. “I’m going to join Johnny at the soft cheese station!”

“My baby. I can’t believe you’re married!” Maryann pinches one of Patrick’s cheeks.

“Mom! Stop it!”

“I can’t help it. This is such a shock. I mean we all knew it was coming, but we didn’t know it would be this soon!”

Their conversation is halted by Stevie. “If I could have your attention, it is now time to cut the wedding torte. David...Patrick...I give you the honors,” Stevie says as she hands them the cake cutter. David reminds Patrick that he is not, under any circumstances, allowed to smash cake in his face. 

Stevie returns to the microphone, “And now the couple’s first dance.”

David and Patrick move to the middle of the floor. From somewhere behind the counter a recording of ‘Simply the Best’ begins to play.

As they sway to the music, Patrick whispers, “This was the first song I sang to you. I figured it should be our first dance.”

“You figured right Mr. Rose Brewer. Oh my God. We actually pulled this off, didn’t we?” David snuggles a bit closer to Patrick.

“Yes, Mr. Rose Brewer, we did.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Please be gentle with me, it's only my second time writing ever. I just couldn't shake these boys.  
> A huge thank you to ChelseaIBelieve for not only taking the time to read this first, but for joining me in this new fandom!


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